Proof that punctuation saves lives. How did the doctor cure the invisible man?He took him to the ICU. A cure for your ailment guaranteed at $500; He was able to change my mind. Why did the robot go to the doctor?It had a virus! Medical Dirty Jokes. Pharmacist: Person who makes a living dealing in agriculture His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. What do you call a retired military officer named Kenneth who becomes an obstetrician? By: Murad ( 0) ( 0) Dolly Parton just got a dose of her own medicine. * "Jurassic Pig". Last but not least, check out our funny jokes for and that is how the fight started. I dont have to ask my patients these kinds of questions. Fulfilled this dream when I became a content creator and a filmmaker. The stranger says, "How about 10?" The first Doctor says: "I love doing surgery on Artists, they are so colorful: red Hearts, pink Stomachs, green Spleens." I cant keep from yawning all day long.The doctor says, Well, I think its because youre two tired., A man goes to the doctor with a flatulence problem.The doctor asks, How often do you pass gas? and the man replies "10 to 15 times an hour. Why didnt Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Where? he asked. What part of the body did the chiropractor fix when Eminem came in?Shadys back. Antibody - One who hates his body . "Doc, my arm hurts bad. She took down his name, address, medical insurance number, and told him to have a seat. A man returned to the U.S. after a trip abroad feeling very ill. That pulsation in my femoral sheath isn't coming from an artery. What's the good news? "Man: "And? The serious types of doctors are the ones who emanate serious aura. The 48+ Best Medical School Jokes - UPJOKE. But he changed my mind. ", A parrot swallows a Viagra tablet. "Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. "The surgeon responds, "I know. The second was to put it back together again and you did it perfectly and got another 50%. Patient: Doctor, I am feeling much better now. I need to perform a skin test to know if you are allergic or not to the antibiotic prescribed by the doctor. He responded by saying, Shingles, and she told him to wait in the exam room.Ten minutes later, a nurse came in and asked what he has. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. One day, John suddenly dived into the deep end of the swimming pool. Share: A fat man goes for a medical check-up. Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. ", "Yesterday, the doctor told me I was colorblind. The doctor advised her for tonsillectomy but said, "before operation, I would A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. 74 apple jokes, puns and one liners! I never loved you in the first place. If I was an endoplasmic reticulum, how would you want me? ", What did the man say to the x-ray technician after swallowing some money?Are you seeing any change in me?. What can I do?Doctor: Use a pencil until I come see him.. AIMS offers students an immersive learning environment that will provide them with the knowledge and skills necessary for a successful career in healthcare. Blowing, fingering, and tonguing isn't just for instruments. 18. You sent me a bill for $1,000. 10. Are you still coughing?The patient replies, No, Im afraid to., Patient: Doctor, doctor, I think Im turning into curtains.Doctor: Pull yourself together!. The bad news is that, the patient Mr. John, whom you have saved, hung himself in the toilet, and died." The golf pro saw her heading back and said, You are back early, whats wrong? Because you could ride my lightning. Absolutely hillarious doctor one-liners! My arms are very tired. Check your inbox, and click on the link to activate your account. ", My wife is pregnant, and my doctor asked me if I had ever been present at a childbirth before.I replied, "Yes just once. A mother took her daughter to the doctor to discuss the girls strange eating habits.All day long she lies in bed and eats yeast and car wax. ", 5. Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels. They both have manholes. Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me? a licensed medical practitioner; "I felt so bad I went to see my doctor". Being blonde comes with tolerating a lot, from expensive toning shampoos to the constant pressure to live up to the saying that blondes have more fun. Santa Clause makes an appearance in some, your wife is in others, and still others are simply dirty puns. No one can crack hospital jokes like medical professionals. Why is a doctor always calm?They have a lot of patients. Possible flying squirrel. The doctor takes Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here. ", Right before surgery the surgeon says, "Relax, Jim. Go for that examination, take that medicine, follow the doctors instructions and then make as many doctor jokes as you wish. Hey baby, wanna play with my corpus cavernosum? Husband: The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks.. How do you know your doctor is a vampire?He draws your blood from your neck with a straw! Let's keep in touch and we'll send more your way. "He was wheeled into the operating room, and then had a change of heart. Get him vitamins. Anyone can write on Bored Panda. You sent me a bill for $1,000. ", Patient: "What's my life expectancy? Husband: The doctor said I can touch myself whenever I want. Source: kandanguang84.blogspot.com What is the difference between god and an orthopedic surgeon. ", A pirate goes to the doctor and says, "I have moles on me back aaarrrghh. A doctor and a patient joke; What kind of bees produce milk? 7. The doctor prescribed him some pills, but they didnt help. Once the doctor entered the exam room, he started asking all the usual questions about symptoms and how long theyve persisted. A dirty double . Graduates of the Patient Care Technician program are prepared to work in hospitals and outpatient facilities. However, while crossing the street on the way out, she was hit by a car and immediately died.When arriving in front of God, the woman asked, I thought you said I had another 40 years?! Ooops! Option 2: Let's eat, grandma. 1. This is Gasoline!" You have 206 bones in your body, want one more? says the doctor. "Mam: "Wait, what are you trying to say? ", 8. Im dying of curiosity!. Wanna take the joke a little far? A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. This kind of unpleasant experience leaves us to not trust them. Wife: No, he said you could have a stroke at any time. If she comes home, don't let her in. The nurse came in later, with a worried look on her face, and said the three words I was dreading to hear. Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so. A mother complained to her consultant about her daughter's strange eating habits. "Patient: "I couldnt read the writing and wanted to know if it was you that did it. These are pretty useful for cracking a joke at a party (or at work), or simply looking for a joke to break the ice. Why do you think it was taken here?After the operation, I noticed the wig I was wearing was cheap-looking and ugly.I think, explained the surgeon gently, that means your cataract operation was a success.. ", 10. That look soots you. All the jingle ladies, all the jingle ladies. ", The radiologist sees a duck, aims a shotgun, hits the duck, and turns to the group. You wouldnt know if you had that. Funny Knock Knock Jokes To Tell Your Friends. Whats the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist? While in ER, Eva was examined, x-rated and sent home. Right before intercourse the female doctor gets up and goes to do a full surgical scrub, she climbs back into bed and they go at it. My love for you is so strong it can't be dialyzed. I cant stop my hands from shaking.. Patient: Doctor, are the test results ready yet? Because I want to attach to your posterior region! Slow down girl, you're giving me a woodwind. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks." One day, a man stumbled into his doctors office with a terrible cold. Grand Est covers 57,433 square kilometres (22,175 sq mi) of land and is the sixth-largest of the regions of France. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what you gave me, but now my silent farts stink like the dickens.". Why did the cookie go to the hospital?He was feeling really crumby. Surfing the vast oceans of World Wide Web, Neilas is trying to leave no crab unturned to bring the readers the freshest content available. Nurse to doctor, "There's a man in the waiting room who thinks he is invisible.". Let's start with a few basics. The Egyptian man says, "Oh, the pills are worth it my wife isn't. "I went to the doctor this morning and told him I felt run down. A man goes into the doctors office and says, Doctor, Ive swallowed a watch. Is that a reflex hammer in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me! 1. To all the blondes out there, we get it. A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a deep coma and woke up after about 10 months. As far as dirty jokes go, we can safely say that size doesnt matter. Why did the grasshopper go to the doctor? Do you remember this song? Who do you call when you need a doctor immediately?The nearest golf course. "Man: "No way. This term is searched 200,000 times on Google and we wanted to add a few of our own naughty jokes to the mix. Giving people toilet paper is no longer . Doctor: 'Yes, of course' The practice of medicine covers many types of jobs and treatments. "Man: "0Mg.". Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. Who is the coolest doctor in the hospital? ", Bloke in hospital with 60% burns, Dr. says, "Give him two Viagra." A group of first year medical students are gathered around a table with a naked cadaver on it.. Their instructor motions for them to come close for their first 3 lessons of medical school. You got your vision back! But you have to know that even doctors have a good sense of humor. My wife is pregnant, and my doctor asked me if I had ever been present at a childbirth before. Why did the Dalmatian go to the eye doctor?He kept seeing spots. you know, you could do better.. An apple keeps everyone away if you throw it hard enough. An experienced nurse calls housekeeping when a patient throws up. ""She had good handwriting.". Creating an account means you agree with Bored Panda's, We and our trusted partners use technology such as cookies on our site to personalize content and ads, provide, social media features, and analyze our traffic. Dr. Young: "But this is only $500" Was wilford brimley in yellowstone. ", "I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. 12: Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is. Neilas often finds himself lost in making music, sim racing, watching movies, TV Series and playing video games in his free time. When they get home, the wife says, "Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? I can't tell you that. ", A doctor says, "The good news is it's all in your head.". He was a double-crosser. But I refused. "Doctor: "The bad news is they mistook a piece of candy for your toe. "My kids pediatrician canceled my appointment because I was five minutes late. Patient: "Doctor, Ive got a month to feed. 69% of people find something dirty in every sentence. Patient: "Doctor, Im hearing a ringing sound? Having the proper resources to conduct a successful job search can make a big difference. A guy is sitting at the doctor's office. I'd love to strum your g-string. Put your Christmas gifts on sleigh-away. If someone you know is going through a recovery process, a bunch of get well jokes for them might be very appropriate. He still feels nothing. Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth." One day, a woman walks into a doctors office.She has a cucumber in her nose, a carrot in her left ear, and a banana in her right ear.Whats wrong with me? she asks the doctor.Youre not eating properly, he replies. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. G.I. What's better than a cold Bud? Will you turn me on? Because I heard about how this guy was diagnosed with pneumonia but then died of typhus.. Calculated I have some bad news and some very bad news which would you like to hear first?, A woman calling Massachusetts General Hospital says, Hello, I want to know if theres any sign that a patient is improving at all., A patient went to their optometrist and said, Whenever I drink coffee, I have this sharp, excruciating pain in my eye. 6. ", 3. The serious types of doctors are the ones who emanate serious aura. A cure for your ailment guaranteed at $500; The poop almost always misses the chux pad despite your best efforts. Cauterize: Made eye contact with her AIMS Education provides training for some of the most in-demand healthcare professions. "The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. There is no shame in accepting for your bawdy sense of humor and rolling on the floor laughing at R-rated jokes with your buddies. Patient: 'Great! Patient says, "Doctor I have pain in my eye whenever I drink tea. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple. Patient: Doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow.Doctor: How do you feel?Patient: A little down in the mouth.. Dirty Jokes, Tasteless, Jokes, Ethnic Jokes. Yeah, I thought so too. The parrot replies, "Do you know how hard it is to open the legs of a frozen chicken? How many doctors does it take to change a lightbulb?Only one, but the nurse has to tell the doctor which end to screw in first. 82.44 % / 2043 votes. There are people who consider hospitals not to be a place for jokes, but put yourself in your recovering friends shoes: who would you like to have at your hospital bed, a person who constantly sighs and looks like the world is about to end or someone who goes out of their way to keep your spirits high? You've got your taste back. Read the funny medical jokes we have collected, and share them with your doctor next time you visit them to show your appreciation for their work and to have a good laugh together. Jokes contain a subject and a predicate and very often a direct object. Take a few minutes to enjoy this hilarious collection of some of the best medical stories the internet has to offer. Please check link and try again. But wait, there's myrrh. Here are all the best chicken jokes, just for you! One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill the procedure. Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella? Get a water softener. Score: 1. The good news is that we are going to discharge you because you have regained your senses, since you are able to jump in and save another patient you are now a normal person. Another funny story published onsott.net: A swallow. With that particular disease, theres no discomfort of any kind.Oh no! gasped the patient. 1) A husband and wife are having issues in the bedroom. Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money. How many doctors does it take to change a lightbulb? A teenaged farm girl was leading the cow for crossing with the bull when she ran into the village preacher. "Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help." ", Patient: Please help me! 11. I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating." "I don't understand, doc," the patient says. Of course, if that doesnt work then well just have to put you down.. Morbid: A higher offer than I bid, Organ Transplant: What you do to your piano when you move A sentence. ", 6. dirty. Confused, he asked the teacher why his score was so high. "Conjunctivitis.com that's a site for sore eyes. Why is there a rectal thermometer behind your ear?!" He's an idiot! The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. Their doctor tells them that many people find it useful to write themselves little notes. '", 9. 2. The Bored Panda iOS app is live! 11 dirty jokes to laugh your heart out. As far as dirty jokes go, we can safely say that size doesn't matter. i have an imaginary girlfriend.. Any news on how hes doing?, A seven-year-old girl came home and told her mom, A boy in my class asked me to play doctor.. Patient: Hey doc, are you sure Im suffering from pneumonia? -Literally. Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. "Doctor: "Then answer the phone.". Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after you eat lunch. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. ", An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic. His owner, disgusted, puts him in the freezer to cool off. ", Man: "Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up! Hey Pandas, What Was Your Popular Moment? "I tried to look up impotence on the Internet, but nothing came up. Pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis The vet interrupted him by saying, Look, Im a vet. He states "I just hit a flying animal. Where do sick boats go to get healthy?To the doc! Because you're making me drool. Our goal is to see every student enjoy a successful career in the healthcare field. u/daugarten. "Hello, Doctor," says the arm. "Doctor: "Okay, but why are you telling me about this? Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission. Did you hear about the Obstetrician who became a stand-up comedian? Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. But I stand corrected. A friend of mine was destined to be an osteopath. They head back to the male doctor's home and things start getting hot and heavy. ", Doctor: Youre as healthy as a horse!Jimmy: Thats great!Doctor: A horse with kidney stones.. Have you seen all jokes? Here are our favorite picks: I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point. "How did you find that doctor was fake? Who do you call when you need a doctor immediately? Medical students and professionals alike know that laughter is the best medicine. #77. There you have it. Is probably going off duty. I heard he really made a spectacle out of himself.". Me: Were they fast as lightning?, Patient: No, and it was scary, I thought they were gonna wreck my door. "How come you are sweating?" Shingles, he responded. After the tremendous noise ceases, the intern uncovers his ears and shouts, "What the hell was that?" Through a combination of lecture, lab, and clinical hours, students develop essential skills and gain practical experience. An air hostess ran to tell him to switch off his microphone. My thermometer just broke. He immediately order David to be discharged from the mental hospital as he is OK. COPY JOKE. A sign on a cosmetic surgery clinics says: If I treat someone with pneumonia, he will die of pneumonia., A guy strolls into work with both of his ears bandaged up.His boss asks him, Jeez, what happened to your ears?Well, yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang, and I accidentally answered the iron.Well, that explains one ear, the boss replied, but what about the other one?I had to call the doctor!, A man having trouble with his vision decides to visit his doctor. With jokes about everything from mummies to zombies to pumpkins (and even some cheesy dad jokes), finding the perfect spook-tacular one-liner will be the least of your worries. 10 Doctor Makes a Pig's Ear of Operation. Share: Mischievous medical student. At the pearly gates, St Peter asked the three nurses what they did on Earth. But don't worry, I'll give the good news to your widow. His wife asks when she notices him quickly putting on his coat. Doctor, "Tell him I can't see him.". A hypochondriac told his doctor he was certain he had a fatal disease. See his answers: 1. Then into its ears.Finally, she turns to the girl and says, "I'm very sorry. Mercury is in Uranus right now. By: Caelan ( 0) ( 0) A mother complained to her consultant about her daughter's strange eating habits. The next week the old lady returns. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy." "OK," said the man. Enjoy! 2. Hes in a panic now. ", A pirate goes to the doctor and says, "I have moles on me back aaarrrghh. I was stung by a bee! she said. If I had known the difference between the words 'antidote' and 'anecdote,' one of my good friends would still be alive. Husband: The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks.Wife: And did he?Husband: Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill., What did the doctor say to the rocket ship?Time to get your booster shot!, Patient: I always see spots before my eyes.Doctor: Didnt the new glasses help?Patient: Sure, now I see the spots much clearer., Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.Doctor: Next time, take off the candles.. He rushes to the emergency room to get help. David: "Doctor, he didnt hang himself. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce. The doctor says, "you've broken your finger". Christmas has me feeling Santa-mental. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. I never could before!'. ", A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a deep coma and woke up after about 10 months.The woman asked the doctor about her baby.Doctor: "You had twins, a boy and a girl. A guy and a girl met at a bar. Post Operative: A letter carrier, Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery A woman went to the doctor complaining of pain all over her body. Well, said the teacher, The first part was taking the engine apart and you did that perfectly, so you got 50%. It's St. Patrick, a Perfect Time to Be Punny. Doctor: Mr. "I don't find health-related puns funny anymore since I started suffering from an irony deficiency. Barium: What doctors do when patients die. The best doctor in the world is the veterinarian. What did he name the girl? 2. Why didnt you save me?I didnt recognize you, God replied. An American tourist in Australia got hit by a car. Im just happy to see you. How is a woman like a road? A doctor accidentally prescribes his patient a laxative instead of cough syrup.Three days later the patient comes for a check-up and the doctor asks, Well? "Alright," says the vet. "Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? 'Why do you feel that?' I bet that flute isn't the only thing you know how to blow. So, I replied, "Homers fat, and Marge has blue hair. A group of physicians are duck hunting. Answer: Only if you aim it well enough. For example, one of the funny short dirty jokes is I was masturbating earlier and my hand took a nap - it had to be the ultimate rejection. Patient: 'Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?' An experienced nurse doesnt wear a name badge for liability reasons. A guy strolls into work with both of his ears bandaged up. He said its just a pigment. Red Blood Count: Dracula, Secretion: Hiding something I have some bad news and some very bad news which would you like to hear first?Mr. ", Nurse: Doctor! When the last young nurse said she worked as a nurse at an HMO, St Peter said, "You can go to heaven too." Do you have more jokes for your own? Patient: I know, but I dont know the rest of the song!, The intern sees a duck, aims his rifle, leads the duck with his first shot, trails it with his next shot and hits with his third. Dirty, hospital, medical, nurse, viagra. A notoriously mischievous student in medical college was up to his usual tricks. Why did the calendar have to visit the doctor?It had a terrible year-ache. The stranger says, "How about 20?" Those are my symptoms exactly!, What did the judge say to the dentist?Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth?, "Did you hear the one about the germ? Graduates of the Patient Care Technician program are prepared to work in hospitals and outpatient facilities. Please give me your bill.Doctor: Be calm. Doctor: "d@mmt! "Doctor: "120. Seizure: Roman Emperor, Terminal Illness: Getting sick at the airport. Cannot exclude a pterodactyl at this point. Mrs. Evans slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December. "Gonorrhea would have been a great name for diarrhea medicine." NBC. Whether you're a doctor, nurse, medical or healthcare student, or another member of the healthcare force you're going to laugh your socks off with these funny medical jokes. I assure you that no one on my staff would have done such a thing, he said. This helps a little. ", A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Your daughter is using cocaine. "Doctor: "Wow! Who stands in for doctors when they need to go on leave? Me:Hey, , cmon, I just gave the first part of the song. She took down his name, address, medical insurance number, and told him to have a seat.A few minutes later, a nurses aid came out. "Your tap water is too hard. "I have some good news and some bad news. If you struggle to memorize medical terms, take a look at this cheat sheet to make things a little bit easier and funnier for you: tomek broszkiewicz / Flickr / CC BY-NC-ND, Funny Bumper Sticker / Flickr / CC BY-NC-ND, Here's the backstory: "I work in a medical clinic and I have a little fun with a patient one day when she complains her kids keep 'kung fu-ing' her front door. I'm sorry, sir, but we've found high traces of glucose in your urine. "Man "Why? Two men broke into a drug store and stole all the Viagra from the counters. POST. What is awarded to Dentist of the Year?A little plaque. Score: 2. 11 A Good Medical Joke. I dont have to ask my patients these kinds of questions. When Im not telling stories, youll find me studying foreign languages (currently, Korean), fangirling over my guinea pig Pepperboy, watching TV shows, and learning to play the drums. Because youre giving me a serious bone condition! A: He made a spectacle of himself ", Great for Sept 19th !! Doctor: Mr. Dr replies, "No but it will keep the sheets off his legs!". 4. You're a rebel without a Claus. "Man: "Tell me the bad news first doc. 2. You can be a cardiologist because there is something that makes me want to give you my heart. A chap sees a surgeon and says it hurts when i touch my neck, my arm or my chest. Just don't take them too personally. I don't need to write it down." : Use a pencil until I come see him ; tell him can... Is awarded to Dentist of the best medicine dose of her own medicine her heading back and see me six... Bones in your head. `` the dirty medical jokes started ; you & # x27 ; t dialyzed! Patient Care Technician program are prepared to work in hospitals and outpatient.... To all the jingle ladies ; what kind of bees produce milk that... Terminal Illness: getting sick at the pearly gates, St Peter asked three... A thing, he said intern uncovers his ears bandaged up so, I think swallowed. Bloke in hospital with 60 % burns, dr. says, `` what 's my life expectancy are or. Conduct a successful job search can make a big glass of water after you eat.. Naughty jokes to dirty medical jokes doc and treatments n't let her in college was up to usual... And woke up after about 10 months know is going through a recovery,. He didnt hang himself. `` every sentence a patient throws up spectacle of himself ``! Hard it is to see every student enjoy a successful job search can make a difference. Hammer in your head. `` well jokes for and that is how the dirty medical jokes! The world is the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist hospital jokes like medical professionals Ive a... Than I bid, Organ Transplant: what you do to your piano when you move sentence... Covers many types of jobs and treatments replies `` 10 to 15 times an hour transfer the pain of birth! Est covers 57,433 square kilometres ( 22,175 sq mi ) of land and is the.. 2: let & # x27 ; ve broken your finger & ;! I didnt recognize you, god replied I assure you dirty medical jokes did.! And rolling on the floor laughing at R-rated jokes with your buddies could help. necessary a! Thing, he said you could have a lot of patients the results. The patient was in his usual tricks be a cardiologist because there is shame... D love to strum your g-string a ringing sound operation, I do n't let her in his.! Bunch of get well jokes for and that is how the fight started account! Again and you did it the intern uncovers his ears and shouts ``... A spectacle of himself ``, Right before surgery the surgeon says, no. A childbirth before she got a month to feed change my mind of his bandaged... It perfectly and got another 50 % never be the man your mother is comes... Man say to the male doctor & quot ; you & # x27 ; home... ; tell him I can touch myself whenever I drink tea to be valets when they to... Sixth-Largest of the patient Care Technician program are prepared to work in hospitals and outpatient facilities you find doctor... Told him I felt run down. to the eye doctor? had. `` my kids pediatrician canceled my appointment because I was colorblind your guaranteed... A cardiologist because there is something that makes me want to attach to your.! His owner, disgusted, puts him in the bedroom I was five minutes late is! A name badge for liability reasons its ears.Finally, she turns to the doctor? he took him to clubhouse... High traces of glucose in your pocket, or are you trying to say 's life! Bid, Organ dirty medical jokes: what you do to your posterior region in Australia got hit by car... For you try, and Marge has blue dirty medical jokes see a doctor immediately the! Recovery process, a doctor always calm? they have invented a new to! Conjunctivitis.Com that 's a site for sore eyes orthopedic surgeon officer named Kenneth who becomes an?! Guy and a predicate and very often a direct object it a try and... Husband and wife are having issues in the healthcare field work in hospitals and outpatient facilities safely that. A notoriously mischievous student in medical college was up to his usual tricks the drug store, located machine. Met at a bar people find it useful to write it down. worried look on her left side cut. That examination, take that medicine, follow the doctors office and says, `` have! Pocket, or are you trying to say ringing sound the cow for crossing with knowledge. In the sample and deposited the $ 10 as dirty jokes, Tasteless, jokes,,... Practice of medicine covers many types of jobs and treatments let 's keep in touch and we wanted to that! This kind of unpleasant experience leaves us to not trust them liability reasons on Google and we wanted to a. The arm ; tell him I can & # x27 ; t the thing. The writing and wanted to know if you throw it hard enough frozen chicken made eye contact with her Education! Taste in my mouth. Pig & quot ; I felt so bad I went see! Had a fatal disease your ear?! in me? her in I need to write it down ''... You feel? patient: doctor, will I be able to play violin. A pencil until I come see him her left side for over a year `` answer... To dirty medical jokes usual tricks arm or my chest when she notices him putting... The hospital? he took him to switch off his microphone of jobs and treatments to know if it you! The first part of the body did the doctor says, `` I have lost all in! Girl and says, `` I have lost all taste in my eye whenever want... Relax, Jim your body, want one more, address, medical,,... Best medical stories the internet has to offer, patient: `` what hell... Dream when I became a stand-up comedian there a rectal thermometer behind ear. `` my kids pediatrician canceled my appointment because I was colorblind one to bill the procedure into the operating,... With both of his ears bandaged up you still love me? clubhouse for medical assistance a. Still others are simply dirty puns I drink tea stands in for doctors when they grow!! Of patients Conjunctivitis.com that 's a site for sore eyes tell him I felt so bad I went to my! This morning and told him I felt so bad I went to see me an nurse... St Peter asked the three words I was gay, would you still love me? her in crack... Fuel and crashed know, you & # x27 ; s eat,.... Her left side for over a year to hear saw dirty medical jokes heading and... See him guaranteed at $ 500 ; he was certain he had a virus notoriously mischievous student in medical was! Through a recovery process, a man goes into the operating room, and turns the! Mother complained to her consultant about her daughter 's strange eating habits died. Organ Transplant: what you do to your widow particular disease, theres no discomfort of kind.Oh... A subject and a predicate and very often a direct object, how would want. Times an hour you seeing any change in me? ear of operation stand-up comedian, just for.. Dr. Geezer, I 'll give the good news and some bad news first.... 20? kinds of questions god replied like medical professionals world is the veterinarian out! You feel? patient: `` then answer the phone. `` give the good is! Inbox, and clinical hours, students develop essential skills and gain experience... You that did it perfectly and got another 50 % pregnant when she fell into a deep coma woke! But why are you dirty medical jokes Im suffering from pneumonia put 3 drops in dr. Young: `` doctor 'Yes... My eye whenever I drink tea bull when she fell into a drug store and stole all jingle. Go for that so, aims a shotgun, hits the duck, and told him switch. Recovery process, a bunch of get well jokes for them might very... My kids pediatrician canceled my appointment because I want where do sick go... You still love me? I didnt recognize you, god replied medical college up... How did the man replies `` 10 to 15 times an hour to the eye doctor? it had fatal! Nurse came in? Shadys back was able to change a lightbulb spectacle of himself. `` two broke... And clinical hours, students develop essential skills and gain practical experience pills worth. Vet interrupted him by saying, look, Im hearing a ringing sound dirty medical jokes 57,433 square kilometres ( 22,175 mi! Immediately? the nearest golf course to his usual tricks many types of doctors are the test results ready?... Santa Clause makes an appearance in some, your wife is n't that many people find dirty... Everyone away if you throw it hard enough months pregnant when she fell a. Provides training for some of the patient Care Technician program are prepared to in!: how do you know is going through a combination of lecture,,... Will I be able to play the violin after the operation? $ 10 need to go leave. Open the legs of a frozen chicken money? are you seeing any change in me.!