should i confront my boyfriend about text messages

Answer: It may be hard, but try to keep your emotions in check and present him simply with the facts. Does that even matter? A guy who has nothing to hide won't be afraid to have a genuine conversation with you. last updated July 25, 2021. Answer: Well, it depends on whether or not you're willing to forgive him for trying to cheat. I havent confronted him yet. Are you okay with that? Since tone is audible, we need to find a way to replace it with a visual and sometimes all you need to send is an emoji, or two, to describe your mood. However, this question will most likely fetch you only more lies. If you want to create not just trust but closeness in your marriage, youll need to allow room for the truth by inviting it in. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. Here's the thing about snooping: If you really can't resist the urge to spy on your guy, your relationship is already broken. Is that "other woman" his mom? First, about the lying: Sometimes people lie because the person requesting the truth makes the truth telling so aversive. I feel bad enough for going through his text messages, but ahhhh HEEEEEELPP!!! I know, thank you guys you are opening my mind! Rather than wanting him to change, the better path is to move towards understanding each other better. If he tightens up and gives you one-word answers when you ask him what he did last weekend or what his plans are for later in the week, that could mean he is hiding something from you. Maybe he's just lying about the reason for moving for his own pride. The risk that comes with checking your partners private correspondence is that you may find material, however ambiguous, that causes you to feel jealous, whether in the form of thoughts, emotions, or behavior. In that case, you should try building trust in your relationship instead of fretting about your boyfriend talking to his ex. Take a look at the context surrounding the lie: was he trying to protect you? Did you snoop through his phone and see that he's been talking to another woman? Communicate your fears to your boyfriend. Is that selfish of him? Or are you just very suspicious of his actions? Stop begging him to love you, like hes some reward! Tell him how you feel. An age gap in friendship can open you to the potential of new experiences and a fresh perspective. This . and he has nothing to impress them with. Here are 12 confessions that might leave you trying to come up with a harder passcode for your phone. It can be hard to know how to set boundaries, let alone maintain a boundary with a friend, family member or colleague. . Youve just found out that he wants to be unfaithful. 6. If you tell me the truth, I will try to control you. 5. Friday came and went and he was a no show. A confrontation about cheating is serious. PostedMay 17, 2016 Conclusion. Break up immediately. First of all, take a breath and allow yourself to calm down for a moment. Is anyone else tired of these stores with these big ass age gaps?! Just for your future relationships you dont need a reason to break up, you could have just left him because he was disrespectful and clearly looking to cheat. I'm insecure about my relationship at times, though for most part I'm not given any reasons. Ok in case this isn't a troll (wth kind of age gap is that??) Tom Bower, who wrote an unauthorised biography of the Duchess of Sussex, suggested it would be naive for King Charles and Prince William to seek a 'peace summit' with the Sussexes and urged them . If there is no trust, there is no relationship. Consider whether you are being reasonable. Answer: You say, "Oh, you want to break up? How did you handle it? The fact is, he has these sexy flirtations with other women, but you don't really know why you don't know his motivation or what he "gets" from it. I do have some questions though. 4. There's no need to make it dramatic. All this is to say, maybe your husband is crossing a line and not telling you, or maybe hes not and your demands are simply pushing him away. It does not matter to whom you are referring.). What you're going to find out by snooping is if he is the problem, or your paranoia is. This research was prompted by a rise in claims relating to damaged phone handsets: Almost 10 percent of those questioned said that their phone had become broken after being dropped or thrown following an argument. I will tell YOU why he dated you: Women his own age can tell he is a p.o.s. He is aware I have found out, and Im meeting with him tonight to talk. 3. This simply means that you should acknowledge them. Have an honest conversation with him where the two of you go over the reasons that made him lie to you. "Someone might snoop because their needs feel unmet by their partner, and they are trying to make sense of the disconnection or rejection they feel," Lamia explains. He could be completely innocent in the act of speaking to another woman. An Investigation, Miley Cyrus Seems to Have a Special Message for Liam Hemsworth With Flowers, Billie Eilish Dressed as Mrs. Claus for Her Epic 21st-Birthday Party, Chris Hemsworths Wife Dressed as an Elderly Woman for the Most Romantic Reason. If you're paranoid and jealous because he has shown himself to be untrustworthy before, either trust him or dump him. That's also possible. But what my suggestion might do is help you see another way to move through this impasse and understand it better before you make any decisions about your marriage. What may have started off as privacytexts between friendshas now moved into secrecy, not necessarily because hes doing anything wrong, but because of something going on between the two of you. The fact of the matter is that he was seriously considering cheating on you, to the point where he contacted someone to do it with. And as we discussed before, if he has earned your distrust by being shady in the past, then you might consider dumping him and finding someone who won't betray you. Interestingly, while Ive known she exists as his colleague, he has never introduced me to her even though I know all of his other work friends.. You both should feel comfortable enough to talk to one another about what's bothering you. The right partner for you will discuss your worries openly, and help you to feel safer and more secure in the relationship. You should consider reaching out to friends and ask them what you should do. Do you ever wonder if you shouldand is your partner OK with you looking at their texts? If you log onto Facebook or Twitter and keep seeing your boyfriend post really stupid, discriminatory or sexist updates, it's really a bad sign. She is probably more than just a friend. Find yourself someone your own age not this middle aged player. But I don't think you can do that. Christian Holzinger, CC BY 2.0, via Unsplash. "Control has little to do with a mature, loving relationship," Lamia says. He also has two kids whom he never sees at all! Have you discovered that your boyfriend is texting another girl? Glamour may earn a portion of sales from products that are purchased through our site as part of our Affiliate Partnerships with retailers. This conversation happened over a month ago, and I don't know what to do from here on out. The 17 Worst Things You Can Do When Confronting a Cheater. If I thought you could put this behind you and move forward without snooping again, I might be tempted to say you should pretend it never happened and spare yourself the huge fight. This is 100% his business, not yours at all. he was just talking to a girl really sexual stuff and how they were f***ing last xmas when i was away in Spain. Still, try to keep things on topic if you can, no matter how much he tries to change the subject. If you find you're "not yourself" in a relationshipdoubtful, suspicious, insecure, reactiveLamia says to ask yourself if your partner has shown other signs that they're trying to control you. Psychological Science, 3, 251255. Please leave this guy immediately. It's been over a week since the messages were sent and he has yet to tell me anything about it. If you haven't yet concluded whether or not you think he's guilty of sending raunchy texts because the evidence is nil, this is still something worth considering. Waterlow, L. (2013). We'd like to take this time to remind users that: We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? Can you 100% forgive him? It's used by millions across the globe. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. It's a troublesome combo. Here, are a few questions to ask yourself and the best way to talk out your concerns if you're feeling tempted to snoop. Block him, dont accept anything from him, dont let him if he comes to your door. Why the fuck would you date an almost 40 year old man? No matter how we experience jealousy, it has a functionprotecting or defending our relationships from people who may be attempting to steal our partner. (2012). Right now your position is: End the texting or Ill leave. If he comes back to you, he will on his own. Some people can be friends with their former partners, and some people can't. Answer (1 of 4): Well you are on shaky ground because you shouldn't be going through his phone I think if you have to snoop on your boyfriend then you clearly don't trust him so the rest is irrelevant as the relationship is over anyway as you can't be in a relationship with someone you don't tr. Not only do the years of built up trust suddenly start to crack, but youre also suddenly faced with a choice of what you should do next. Xper 3 Age: 29 , mho 62%. 4. If you try to look something up, he immediately snatches it away, or he is showing you a picture on his phone, and he will keep his hands on it. If yours is the kind where you and your partner tell each other everything, maybe a text from an ex is something you want to disclose. If he just HAS to have more kids, and that's a major part of his purpose in life, then maybe he should have them. or situations/content involving minors, Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. You need to assess the damage otherwise you cant find a way forward., While the fact that your partner is texting someone else has led to this present conflict, its worth analysing your relationship as a whole to see where other issues may lie. You've gotta work out why you felt the need to do this. I also found out that hes been talking to a specific girl he may have had some history with. Clearly, he either intends on leaving and didn't have the courage to inform you, or else he was intending on stringing this other girl along and cheating. How Do Gifted Adolescents See Themselves? No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. That kind of thing. Just because your boyfriend is texting another girl doesn't mean that he's automatically cheating. If your boyfriend has told you that his texting is completely innocent, and you still don't believe him, this speaks volumes. We have been seeing a marriage counselor regarding this and other issues. First of all that age gap is WILD. A 2012 study by Derby, Knox and Easterling found that about two-thirds of participants admitted to surreptitiously looking through a partner's private messages, including social networking sites . Calmly confront him about why he has been lying. I feel like theyre always troll posts or woman really are too vulnerable/gullible in that regard. Do you now expect an affair when your partner comes home from work late two nights in a row, and think snooping will validate your suspicions? You can't be in a relationship with someone that you don't trustat least not a relationship that is actually worth it. Worse still, you could start crying and they will try and appease (rather than be honest) or you could lose your temper and theyll walk away or shut down. Dear Therapist is for informational purposes only, does not constitute medical advice, and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Dont talk. We live together and have bills together. This type of behavior could be even more telling if he is not texting you very much. Tell him as clearly and plainly as possible that you will not be lied to and that by lying to you, he has significantly damaged the relationship. As for his part of it though, well, I don't love that he's texting his ex to meet up, and I really don't love that he's lying about his reasons for moving with you. | Whether they're lying and cheating (or not), stirring up emotions like jealousy, suspicion, or shame may make you question your self-worth. While you may feel the urge to talk over your partner and continuously correct them if they draw the wrong conclusions about their own behaviour, its best to bite your tongue and encourage them to speak continuously. (Although in the text he didn't mention that; he said HE got the great job opportunity and I'm tagging along.). +1 y. yes if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Just ACT. You need to respect yourself enough to leave him. Directly asking for your boyfriend's permission is pretty simple. So if him texting his ex is weighing on your mind, then talk about that with him. You dont trust your husbandand for good reasonbut he may not trust you either, in the sense that he may not trust your capacity to acknowledge his truth were he to share it openly with you. While theres nothing sexual in their messages, and he assures me they are only friends, I have repeatedly expressed my displeasure and discomfort about the situation. 2. If you've been with him for any period of time, you should be able to tell if he's panicking or lyingunless he's very good at deceiving you. What do you expect from a guy who dates someone literally half his age? "These conversations will, or should, help you learn something about yourself and ultimately make your bond stronger with your partner.". Did you look over his shoulder and notice that there was a girl's name as the recipient? He wants to meet up with her before he moves for good and I don't know what to think of it. Please make sure you read our rules here. Business, not yours at all purchased through our site as part of our Affiliate with! To control you CC by 2.0, via Unsplash my relationship at,., loving relationship, '' Lamia says tonight to talk you why he dated you: Women own... Is aware I have found out, and Im meeting with him tonight to.. To take this time to remind users that: we do not allow any type of behavior be. 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Kids whom he never sees at all them what you should do problem, or your paranoia is work why. To feel safer and more secure in the relationship you say, `` Oh, you want to up. Like to take this time to remind users that: we do not allow any of... Follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations that there was a no show y. if. Kind of age gap is that?? do n't know what to think of it of I!