I've known many people who have dealt with similar things, and my general impression is that while they sort of never go away completely, they can be confronted and managed and felt and understood and integrated into your being, and they don't have to drive you crazy. If you are a teen, and becoming more womanly, it is normal to not want attention from all men (specially your dad) and to only want attention from some men (generally your boyfriend). I am absolutely at a loss. Send your questions to Jaclyn. So i feel uncomfortable around my dad and sometimes i feel sexually uncomfortable idk why.he has never really done anything creepy or sexual except for this one incident but i may just be overracting. Nothing less than kind. Also, have you tried talking to your dad and say no. If you need to make excuses, tell them something vaguely true, like that Dearface has some business to attend to and you'll only be able to visit briefly, or that something has come up (which is profoundly true!). He needs to repent, and sometimes that takes being brought low and being forced to face the terrible things that we have done for this to happen. You need to (1) report the matter to the local police so they can run an investigation on your dad and try to figure out how bad it is. But when I think about how to go into this holiday, how to handle it, I completely freeze. When I was six, my mom took my to the doctor, but I don't remember why, but she had the doctor look at my vagina for some reason. This week I visited him alone because my sis and mom dont have time. For instance, I noticed that when you confronted your mother about your father's behavior, she lay on the bed and cried and you comforted her. I feel uncomfortable around him because I know hes thought unclean things about me. wheneber he touches me I want to throw up or cringe on the inside, and I hate him looking at me for too long as it gives me the creeps. It's OK to be compassionate, but it's not OK for him to do some of the things he has done. Every now and then his girlfriend will tell me he talks about me to people he meets, but he doesn't have a kind word or anything but criticism to my face. i have the same thing happening. Heres what we know. But he should be able to work through those feelings without leaning on you. But he's really mysterious because he never talks about his past & I don't think we've ever bonded at all. Posted Nov 9, 2019 20:10 by anonymous But.. earlier we wanted to get food at a nice restaurant after a mall trip and I grabbed a dress I was planning on changing into at the mall. I am probbably overracting but that incident was very uncomfortable for me and i dont want to tell anyone because i dont want them to gey the wrong idea and i could never tell my dad he woyld be horrified. This trip had already been planned for a while; it was going to be a chance for some quality time with my old parents before I went to the other side of the globe again, and they were so excited about it. Fold your arms across your chest. In lots of ways, he's had a rough life -- he had a mother who openly admitted not loving him, he had a lonely childhood, and he had a nervous breakdown when he was middle-aged. skin crawling experience of learning that it was time for the "sex talk." My Mom, my Dad, and meall alone at the end of our dining room table. There is a whole range there -- from staying in their house to seeing them across a crowded room. Over the last few years, I have noticed that I feel very uncomfortable around older men including my father and stepfather and I dont have any idea why. But it was let-go-able.) If he is a jerk, I would just try to stay away from him, stay positive, and believe in yourself. There are professionals that dedicate themselves to helping survivors like you and me. I am sorry and hope that you can find some peace with your situation. Nobody did nothing about it, over time we thought hes gotten better but its just the same nasty ass shit. I am probbably overracting but that incident was very uncomfortable for me and i dont want to tell anyone because i dont want them to gey the wrong idea and i could never tell my dad he woyld be horrified. I do all kinds of visualizations to work against that, like I'm wearing underwear made out of iron or cement. Crossed isn't crossed enough to give me a safe feeling. I found a fantastic therapist who specializes in this stuff, and he's just grand. My dad also refuses family counselling for other issues, so I doubt he would accept it for this particular issue. He is still your father. By Copyright 2023 Salon.com, LLC. But I can't -- it's come too far now. By submitting the form, you acknowledged that you are or over 18 years old and you will follow local policies and laws. when i was younger he had terrible anger issues and was emotionally abusive to my mom. He is a fantastic investigator and a great person and if you have a dishonest partner don't hesitate to send him an email .. You deserve to thrive and not be just a survivor. I've gotten counseling about this on and off for the past 15 years. My grandfather watches a lot of porn and I remember telling my grandma and mom about it when I found out, but my grandma said "That's what men do." The legendary fashion designer died at 81. It's wrong. Recycling Beauty Products Doesn't Have to Be Difficult. Does he stop kissing you, or does he pressure you to change your mind, or even ignore what youve said and go on kissing you? Love doesnt mean you have to suffer. If there are other children in the house now, it would be better to do something like this sooner rather than later. He said, "Its your problem. I see him about once every 3-5 years, usually by his choice, not mine. I lost it, as quietly as I could, there on the deck. I try my best to be compassionate but I hate being around him, I hate the slightly sexual energy he has towards me, but I have no direct memory of him molesting me or doing anything more then making inappropriate comments or confound my butt etc. local policies and laws. He'd get a glazed look in his eyes when he was sexually aroused. It's a low self esteem issue created by these terrible people in her childhood. RawConfessions user (Login required), Your Message (please type your comment here). I'm torn, absolutely torn. This is just as urgent, if somewhat less easy to explain. 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) - National Hope Network Toll-Free, 24/7 hotline for emergency suicide information, 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) - National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 24/7 free and confidential support for people in distress, 1-866-488-7386 - The Trevor HelpLine - Specializing in LGBTQ youth suicide prevention & help, Child Helpline International - International Child Helpline Network, RAINN - International Sexual Assault Helplines, Mental Health Europe - Helplines for Young People, Ted Bundy's Warning About Pornography - YouTube Video. This website is not owned by or affiliated with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (sometimes called the Mormon or LDS Church). When I was around 16, he introduced me to pornography, masturbation, and has also been involved in inappropriate touching. A constant truth is that I feel unsafe in my dad's presence. mine told me those things too :/, I googled my dad makes inappropriate comemnts And came to this thread. Izzy1234 909 opinions shared on Family & Friends topic. We do live together, but currently I see him rarely as he lives in the US at this moment for his job. But my dad didn't care. You need to (1) report the matter to the local police so they can run an investigation onyour dad and try to figure out how bad it is. I feel bad for my dad. Support him in getting well if he wants to and if thats something you feel like you have the bandwidth to do. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Your journey is just beginning and it is going to be a long one. She could never relate to me or talk to me. That is very serious and has very severe legal consequences as well have profound harm to the kids involved. But otherwise he has never done anything creepy or sexual. I know this is stupid and confusing but my question is do you think I was abused sexually as a child by my father and possibly my grandfather? he just makes me so fucking uncomfortable. She made me promise not to tell her father, my brother. I decided to hire him and I am glad I did. "You're monitoring actions that wouldn't hurt your partner if they were executed," life coach Kali Rogers tells Bustle. And I love him. He's just always been there & that's why I feel so uneasy around him. My feeling was, if I can ignore this, I'm going to. For the first time in my life, my inner compass isn't pointing me anywhere. I Am The Only Family Member Not Invited To A Wedding - What Should I Do. And (2) you should get some counseling on this issue, if you have not already done so. His eyes seem to have only half a person behind them. i feel very uncomfortable with him.. i'm thinking telling my therapist but she always tells my parents what i say and i'm really scared what he can do to meRecently i have felt scared of men because i'm terrified of what they can do to me.I got to say not all men are like that but it's a fear i can't control.can i get some advice? This happens to me too, even when my dad do me tickles I just feel so uncomfortable, Im 20 now and Im still questioning if something happen to me when I was younger but there a hole in my childhood, but just sharing that you are not alone in this c: Its so reassuring to know Im not alone. 1-800-4-A-CHILD, Please help me out too. Teen Vogue may earn a portion of sales from products that are purchased through our site as part of our Affiliate Partnerships with retailers. There's so much smoke that there's obviously some kind of fire back there somewhere. Oh no. Plus chances are you are not the only one that he has worked on in this manner and they need all the help they can get. Which is best? Nothing less than some things I'm not (some things better). Maybe you can get help at this number. I wanted to punch him in the face, knock him out cold. Seeking advice regarding sexual abuse online and finding people who are affected by it is a good step as well. If you have any ideas on how to get through this Christmas, how to choose what to do, or any ideas on how to hold this messy thing, I would be so grateful. But I had never had anything like that happen before. What about sending a letter? He buys me nice stuff and generally is being super nice. I admire your ability to recount with impressive honesty these troubling sensations, and am particularly struck by the metaphors you have constructed for them -- that you feel "trapped and vigilant and overly bright, like I'm trying to make defensive rays of bright, light energy around me that can't be penetrated.". He's precarious. The person who violated me sexually also smoked around me as a child. Any advice is appreciated. Off I would go to therapy, and the subject would be up for a handful of weeks at most, and then the monster would dive way back down where I couldn't really feel it or see it. Welcome to TFW, a monthly series where author and feminist troublemaker Jaclyn Friedman helps you deal with being human in all kinds of relationships dating, sex partners, friends, family, work, school and beyond. Here's what I recommend: Ask your dad if you can have a little talk. You are commenting as a guest. My [M17] teacher [F??] It's so hard for me to open up. 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